Paperback: 272 pages
Publisher: William Morrow & Company, Inc.; Reprint edition (March 28, 1995)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 0688140718
ISBN-13: 978-0688140717
Product Dimensions: 6.1 x 0.7 x 9.2 inches
Shipping Weight: 1 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review: 3.9 out of 5 stars See all reviews (215 customer reviews)
Best Sellers Rank: #33,765 in Books (See Top 100 in Books) #20 in Books > Health, Fitness & Dieting > Psychology & Counseling > Mental Illness #32 in Books > Parenting & Relationships > Family Relationships > Parent & Adult Child #75 in Books > Self-Help > Emotions
Children seek approval from their parents; adolescents, from their peers; adults, from themselves.In a healthy family, the parents facilitate this development, giving the child the generous love that makes it possible for her to grow beyond the neediness of the first stage. (Both sexes can occupy both positions, but for simplicity we'll assume that the parent is male, the child female.) A healthy parent recognizes his child as a separate person. He provides an environment where she can start creating an independent life that will represent her own spirit. His joy is to watch her become who she is.But generally a parent who has not received this kind of love in childhood does not have it to give. Instead of seeking to meet the child's needs, he seeks to make her meet his. In love with an idealized self-image of confidence and authority, he wants his child to justify or repeat his life--or the life he wishes he had lived. He acts to keep her in a childish state, seeking his approval. When she meets his wishes, he gives her exaggerated praise; when she doesn't, exaggerated criticism. But what drives his behavior is neither love nor malice, but fear--fear that his child, or he, or anyone, will discover that the Wizard of Oz is only the man behind the curtain.The child believes in the parent and cannot see his fear. Hoping to make him love her, she tends to act as if he were right (for he must above all be right), to live out his image of her--the idealized image of what he praises, the hated image of what he criticizes, or both. She often seeks mates who replicate aspects of his character--perpetuating both her misery and her false hope that he will one day love her as a separate person.
Trapped in the Mirror: Adult Children of Narcissists in their Struggle for Self Self-Discipline: Achieve Unbreakable Self-Discipline: How To Build Confidence, Willpower, Motivation, Self-Belief And Master Your Life!: Self control, ... Self-Confidence, Self-esteem, Organizing) Self-Love: The 21-Day Self-Love Challenge - Learn how to love yourself unconditionally, cultivate self-worth, self-compassion and self-confidence (self ... happiness) (21-Day Challenges Book 6) Self Help: How To Live In The Present Moment (Self help, Self help books, Self help books for women, Anxiety self help, Self help relationships, Present Moment, Be Happy Book 1) Lizzie McGuire: Mirror Mirror - Book #14: Junior Novel (Lizzie McGuire (Numbered)) Trapped in America's Safety Net: One Family's Struggle (Chicago Studies in American Politics) Self Hypnosis for Beginners: The Ultimate Guide With Systematic Steps To Master Self Hypnosis (Self Hypnosis, Self hypnosis as you read, Self hypnosis diet) Self Hypnosis: The Ultimate Beginners Guide To Mastering Self Hypnosis In 7 Days (self hypnosis, self hypnosis diet, self hypnosis for dummies) Narcissism: Easily Disarming Narcissists and Understanding Their Selfish Personality Disorder (Psychopath, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Narcissist ... Mood Disorders, Con Men, Sociopath) NAVY SEAL: Self Discipline: How to Become the Toughest Warrior: Self Confidence, Self Awareness, Self Control, Mental Toughness HYPNOSIS FOR WEIGHT LOSS: SELF HYPNOSIS as you read (FREE Life Mastery Bonus Toolkit Included!) (Self Hypnosis As You Read, Self Hypnosis for Beginners, ... Weight Loss, Self Hypnosis Audio Book 3) Experiencing CBT from the Inside Out: A Self-Practice/Self-Reflection Workbook for Therapists (Self-Practice/Self-Reflection Guides for Psychotherapists) Struggle for Intimacy (Adult Children of Alcoholics series) Adult Coloring Book: De-Stress: Adult Coloring Books (The Peaceful Adult Coloring Book Series) Adult Romance: Adult Bedtime Short Stories - Sultry XXX Romantic Billionaire Romance, Mail Order Bride Historical Romance, Western, Alpha Male Love, New Adult, Victorian Romance, Bedtime Anthology House As a Mirror of Self: Exploring the Deeper Meaning of Home Psychopath Free (Expanded Edition): Recovering from Emotionally Abusive Relationships With Narcissists, Sociopaths, and Other Toxic People Women Who Love Psychopaths: Inside the Relationships of Inevitable Harm With Psychopaths, Sociopaths & Narcissists Empath: How To Thrive And Survive As An Empath And Empower Yourself Against Negative Energies, Psychopaths, Sociopaths And Narcissists By Understanding ... Person, Empath, Psychic, Intuitive) Master Dealing with Psychopaths, Sociopaths, Narcissists - A Handbook for the Empath