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When Difficult Relatives Happen to Good PeopleFor every holiday, wedding, funeral, or birth of a child, families gather for what are supposed to be times of celebration or remembrance. But often these gatherings create more stress and conflict than joy and connection. When Difficult Relatives Happen to Good People speaks to those who look forward to family gatherings but also dream being around certain relatives. The opinionated aging parent, the bigoted uncle, the brother who drinks too much, the cousin who flaunts her money and status--all of these characters appear in the sometimes humorous but always instructive stories throughout this book. Based on years of researching family conflict, Dr. Felder offers practical advice about how to make the most of your heartfelt connections with the family members you love while staying clear of the toxic ones. Full of specific recommendations for every kind of family situation, from religious disagreements and sibling rivalries to drug, alcohol, and gambling problems, When Difficult Relatives Happen to Good People describes with witty, inspiring examples how to identify when to step in and when to step back, how to avoid feeling like a martyr, and how to stay relaxed in situations that once would have made you cringe.
Hardcover: 299 pages
Publisher: Rodale Books (November 8, 2003)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 157954763X
ISBN-13: 978-1579547639
Product Dimensions: 9.3 x 6.3 x 1.1 inches
Shipping Weight: 1.2 pounds
Average Customer Review: 3.8 out of 5 stars See all reviews (12 customer reviews)
Best Sellers Rank: #1,695,961 in Books (See Top 100 in Books) #92 in Books > Parenting & Relationships > Family Relationships > Extended Families #1461 in Books > Self-Help > Relationships > Conflict Management #1596 in Books > Parenting & Relationships > Family Relationships > Conflict Resolution
I loved this book. I grew tired of books that provided alot of, exuse me, psycho babble which didn't help me deal w/relatives that drive me nuts or truly hurt me and I find impossible to be around.Dr. Felder's book provided insight into what I can do that is practical, and I feel even more importantly, urged me to understand that changing my mean grandmother wasn't going to happen.. the only thing I could do was change how I let myself react.GET THIS BOOK BEFORE XMAS DINNER.
I liked that it gave advice on how to handle some of the situations, but it didn't give useful advice on most issues. It mainly tells you how to handle it in your head, but not how to communicate with these relatives when they are pushing your buttons.
I found this book very helpful and inspirational. Definitely a must read for people who are having problems with relatives and don't know how to handle an issue! You may even want to read it if there are currently no issues in your family! It's good to know what you could potentially deal with.
My personal opinion of the book is that I was a little disappointed. I was looking for a revelation or a solution. I did get a few ideas and tactics for coping with those who continue to impose themselves on you. However, if those don't work you wind up compromising yourself.
This one didn't do it for me because it didn't help much with my problems. It seemed as though the problems discussed here were oversimplified and stereotypical and this book is written for those people whose problems are with family members they don't care much about -like annoying in-laws. There was some helpful info, but most of the book was not applicable to me. Mostly, it gave common sense, basic advice and offered nothing extraordinary. For instance, the book somewhere mentioned - If family gatherings are stressful for you, consider making them shorter or with less people. (I think anyone could tell you that.)
Although we might not run into all these people or situations, there is bound to be something here for everyone. I have always been interested in books like this and this one is one of the best I've picked up.
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