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A sensitive, realistic handbook for the country's large, increasing population of stepmothers. "Part of the book's charm is its avoidance of glib reassurance and false cheer. Instead, there is healthy common sense."Publishers Weekly --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.
Hardcover: 222 pages
Publisher: Crown; 1st edition (August 12, 1985)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 0812911458
ISBN-13: 978-0812911459
Product Dimensions: 8.2 x 5.8 x 0.8 inches
Shipping Weight: 12 ounces
Average Customer Review: 4.1 out of 5 stars See all reviews (52 customer reviews)
Best Sellers Rank: #1,819,572 in Books (See Top 100 in Books) #264 in Books > Parenting & Relationships > Family Relationships > Stepparenting & Blended Families
I'm going to be moving in with my boyfriend and his young son in a few weeks, and I ordered "Stepmotherhood" and "The Enlightened Stepmother: Revolutionizing the Role" to give me a little preparation for what I should expect. I found that "The Enlightened Stepmother..." gave a much more thorough discussion on the difficulties of stepparenting as well as giving creative and helpful tips on getting through the hard times, whereas this book emphasized the negative aspects of the situation you might be facing. "Stepmotherhood" gave very few suggestions of how to deal with individual problems that might come up, and didn't seem to have been researched half as thoroughly as "The Enlightened Stepmother..." whose authors interviewed hundreds of stepmothers from all walks of life for help with their material, in addition to being stepmothers themselves. If you're looking for one book to both support you in the hard times and give you directions to the good times, I'd thoroughly recommend "The Enlightened Stepmother: Revolutionizing the Role," but I'm going to return this book.
I read this 'self-help' book as something of a last resort. I am a stepmother of two young boys on an every other weekend basis and have been finding it unbelievably hard. The most helpful thing about this book is that it really is down to earth and honest - and refreshingly un-p.c. It explained a lot of the feelings I have been experiencing over the last year or so and by making me realise that I am not alone, and that my feelings, however negative or ugly, are 'normal' in that they are experienced by lots and lots of other women in my position, helped me immeasurably. A previous reviewer commented that it was too negative, but I think that it depends what stage you are at and how hard you are finding everything. I read another book straight afterwards which, while also helpful, was too upbeat for me, had too much emphasis on the children and on how I should be behaving, which only adds to the sense of guilt and failure that I have. 'Stepmotherhood' really uplifted me and made me feel a lot better about myself - now perhaps I can build on that and be ready for the do-gooders in a little while. I have persuaded my partner to read it too! Thankyou Cherie!
I bought this book at the same time as Sue Thoele's The Courage to be a Stepmom, and I would recommend Sue Thoele's book over this one by a long shot. While both books are honest and straightforward, "Stepmotherhood" falls into a pattern of listing horrible stepfamily situations (I mean, are ALL ex-wives really screaming lunatics? That hasn't been my experience), then revealing that a combination of realistic expectations and open communications can help address the situation. While this is true and undoubtedly useful to know, that's about as far as this book goes. A better subtitle for the book might be: "Stepmotherhood: Worst-Case Scenarios Galore". In contrast, Sue Thoele takes the need for open communication and low expectations as her starting point, then delves deeply into HOW to accomplish these difficult tasks, with a great deal of emotional realism and insight. I found myself turning to my partner and discussing points Sue Thoele had brought up on almost every other page, discussions that helped the two of us establish exactly the open communications that both authors recommend. Burns' book didn't inspire any such discussions between us. It all depends on what you're after, but if you want a real-world toolkit for how to swim in the waters of stepmotherhood without getting devoured by entirely avoidable sharks, I recommend popping Sue Thoele's name into your search engine.
Yes, this book may come across as negative, but it is realistic. Being a stepmom is tough and tougher still when you go into it with rose colored glasses and the belief that it will all be wonderful. It isn't. Cherie is honest in her assessment of the stepmom experience for most women who find themselves inheriting children who view them as the sole reason their parents aren't getting back together-- Even when their mother has been remarried for years and their parents were never happy. This book helped me focus on the positives of my life as a stepmom by working through the negative. While there were things I could not relate to (my skids were teens when I became their father's wife), the advice is clear, realistic and above all else honest.
I would have to say, overall this book has some great info. Some of the context applied to stepmoms having full custody but not much. Which is my main dissappointment in several books. Some of the ideas, though, generally touch on the stepmoms feelings and frustrations and that I could relate. Just wish it helped more for stpmoms that have the kids full time.
I felt very normal after reading this book and have loaned it to a coworker who is also a stepmother. It was wonderful to know that the things that I think and don't say out loud are normal stepmother feelings (like regarding the ex - "How could such a sweet man have been married to someone so horrible?"). Having two stepsons and no children of my own, it was good to see that different family situations were addressed. Most books I have read assume that you have kids, he has kids, and you have kids together - which is not always the case. I would recommend this book to any new or current stepmother!
Stepmotherhood: How to Survive Without Feeling Frustrated, Left Out, or Wicked, Revised Edition Stepmotherhood
