Free eBooks When Our Grown Kids Disappoint Us: Letting Go Of Their Problems, Loving Them Anyway, And Getting On With Our Lives Available To Downloads
How do today’s parents cope when the dreams we had for our children clash with reality? What can we do for our twenty- and even thirty-somethings who can’t seem to grow up? How can we help our depressed, dependent, or addicted adult children, the ones who can’t get their lives started, who are just marking time or even doing it? What’s the right strategy when our smart, capable “adultolescents” won’t leave home or come boomeranging back? Who can we turn to when the kids aren’t all right and we, their parents, are frightened, frustrated, resentful, embarrassed, and especially, disappointed?In this groundbreaking book, a social psychologist who’s been chronicling the lives of American families for over two decades confronts our deepest concerns, including our silence and self-imposed sense of isolation, when our grown kids have failed to thrive. She listens to a generation that “did everything right” and expected its children to grow into happy, healthy, successful adults. But they haven’t, at least, not yet—and meanwhile, we’re letting their problems threaten our health, marriages, security, freedom, careers or retirement, and other family relationships. With warmth, empathy, and perspective, Dr. Adams offers a positive, life-affirming message to parents who are still trying to “fix” their adult children—Stop! She shows us how to separate from their problems without separating from them, and how to be a positive force in their lives while getting on with our own. As we navigate this critical passage in our second adulthood and their first, the bestselling author of I’m Still Your Mother reminds us that the pleasures and possibilities of postparenthood should not depend on how our kids turn out, but on how we do!
Paperback: 224 pages
Publisher: Free Press (June 3, 2004)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 074323281X
ISBN-13: 978-0743232814
Product Dimensions: 5.5 x 0.6 x 8.4 inches
Shipping Weight: 7.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review: 4.2 out of 5 stars See all reviews (176 customer reviews)
Best Sellers Rank: #29,502 in Books (See Top 100 in Books) #9 in Books > Self-Help > Mid-Life #27 in Books > Parenting & Relationships > Family Relationships > Parent & Adult Child #67 in Books > Self-Help > Emotions
This book helped me understand and accept that my kids could swallow my life up whole UNINTENTIONALLY and really get in the way of me doing the things that I really want to do in my life.I have always believed that it is in my kids best interest for me to raise them exactly the same way I was (at least in certain areas). So, I paid for their college education, gave them each a Visa, bought them cars, offered to pay for graduate schools, trips, insurance, etc.What I inadvertently created, thinking I was acting in their best interest as those things were helpful to me at their age, were two kids - one with an alcohol problem and the other who's really dependent on others to do everything for him.Don't get me wrong, they are great kids overall - these are just two aspects that have been challenging to handle.In any event, when I discovered my son had an alcohol problem - I changed my tune in a hurry. Part of the reason he has this illness is that he has a lot of pain in his life that he's not dealing with. However, my contribution to it has been to give him too much money so he has the funds to binge drink as well as make his life so easy for him that it was enabling him rather than empowering him.He is in denial and doesn't realize the issue. This book helped me be okay with that, realize I've done all I could by offering him treatment, etc - and that I have a life that I deserve enjoying. And that's a good thing!With the other one, I learned that most likely I may watch him "shoot himself in the foot" over and over again. I do my best to offer him my guidance ahead of time when he wants it but usually he's a lot smarter than me he says.So, again, I've learned that he'll do it his way and that's okay.
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